My Journey

“All of life is a journey- which paths we take, what we look back on, and what we look forward to is up to us. We determine our destination, what kind of road we will take to get there, and how happy we are when we get there.”

As I continue on this journey of spiritual discovery I do so with mixed emotions. While it is now that I am earnestly seeking to find my own personal, spiritual truth, I do not feel as though I am just starting this journey. I believe that everything up to this point in my life has played a part in my spiritual makeup. I was born and raised in a very faithful Latter Day Saint (Mormon) family. I grew up in Utah where a large percentage of the population belongs to the church. Much of the culture and society in Utah is influenced, in my opinion, by the church and it's values. Most of my friends growing up were Mormon and many of the activities I participated in were often church oriented. I enjoyed going to church for the most part. I never questioned my faith or the doctrines that it taught me.

It wasn't until the time I first went through the temple, just prior to getting married that I began to have deep, stirring questions regarding religion and God. I tried not to ponder or dwell on these thoughts and feelings because I concluded that these feelings of doubt must certainly be from the adversary. Nobody ever told me that I wasn't allowed to question, but I certainly felt that I was wrong in doing so. Part of me was also scared of what I might find if I did begin to question and investigate for myself the truthfulness of the church. What if everything I have believed and based much of my life decisions on is false?

It took several years for me to work up enough courage to start searching for answers. I am still scared. I feel guilt and shame for questioning my values, but deep inside of me I know that I must find out the truth for myself- whatever it may be.