Am I strong enough?

I'm not sure I have the strength to keep searching this out. The reason is that the more I search the more I find against the Mormon church. I am trying hard to not be biased in my reading either. I check sources (to the best of my ability) and make sure that the claims people out there in cyber-land are stating are legitimate. I'm not sure I have the strength to leave the church. I'm afraid of the consequences and judgments that will be put on by my family and friends when they find out. However, all this being said, I feel deep in my heart that I must be true to myself.

Tonight I was reading some things that have been changed over the years in the temple endowment ceremony. I think that had I gone through the temple for the first time twenty years ago I might have run out the door screaming. When I went through for the first time six years ago I was filled with extreme anxiety. I even wrote in my journal that I thought that the ceremony was strange and uncomfortable. I remember crying several times during the endowment, and I'm sure those around me thought I was moved to tears by the spirit, but in actuality the tears were out of anxiety, strangeness, and unfamiliarity.

After studying more about the LDS church tonight, I feel stronger than ever that there is something "not right" there. I know that some choose to stay in the church because of the values and culture and acceptance, but I don't know that I can stay in and support a church that has so many questionable parts in its past. I want to find my own truth, but what would that look like for me? This a scary path I may choose to take, but if I follow my heart I think it could possibly be a very freeing one.