It's Time

I guess it's time... for a new post that is. Here is an update of where I am at in my journey. I have done more and more reading. I am currently in the process of reading Joseph Smith Rough Stone Rolling by Richard Bushman. It is kind of a slow read for me, but interesting non the less. I am pretty convinced the church is not true, but I am having mixed emotions about leaving. One minute I am ready to send in my resignation letter and the next I am in a full blown panic attack fearing that I'm making the wrong decision.

I have read a lot lately about Mormonism and its cultish nature. I used to cringe when people compared the church to a cult because the word has such a negative connotation to me. However I am beginning to realize that the church has certainly brainwashed me in many ways and greatly influenced the way that I think. Is this enough to consider it a cult? I guess it depends on who you ask. I still feel like it is too strong of a word, but I can see how one could conclude such.

I have researched much about Joseph Smith and his life. I have to say that there is much that is certainly not mentioned by the church. I recently saw the Joseph Smith movie at the J.S. Memorial Building in Salt Lake City. The movie did not show any parts of Joseph's past that might be questionable. No portrayal of polygamy or the burning of the Nauvoo Expositor or his treasure digging schemes or his peep-stone in a hat translation process. In fact the movie didn't even mention why Joseph was being sent to jail in the first place. The amazing part is that when I asked true believing members of my family they did not know the answer to this question. How can we have been raised in a church for 20+ years and still believe that the only reason JS was put in jail was because of religious persecution?

The fact that the church keeps its members uneducated really bothers me. Being an educator myself I find it preposterous that the church is hiding its past. If the church is true then what's the big deal? On the flip side I do ask myself how the few Mormons that do know the whole truth- such as Richard Bushman- still continue to believe? Is there something I am missing?