Why I believe the Mormon church is a cult

I have said before that I thought the word cult when referring to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints seemed kind of harsh. After doing some research I have changed my mind. I actually think the church fits the characteristics of a cult almost to a T. The following is a list of cult charcteristics taken from http://www.csj.org/infoserv_cult101/checklis.htm. The words in red are my own thoughts of how Mormonism fits that particular trait.

The group displays excessively zealous and unquestioning commitment to its leader and (whether he is alive or dead) regards his belief system, ideology, and practices as the Truth, as law. If it be from my mouth or from that of my servant sound familiar?

‪ Questioning, doubt, and dissent are discouraged or even punished. I have felt many times that it was wrong to question. Also think of all the scholars who have been excommunicated or lost their jobs at BYU for publishing findings that went against the church.

‪ Mind-altering practices (such as meditation, chanting, speaking in tongues, denunciation sessions, and debilitating work routines) are used in excess and serve to suppress doubts about the group and its leader(s). THE TEMPLE!!! Work routines such as church callings, unpaid clergy, visiting teaching, home teaching, young women and young men, etc.

‪ The leadership dictates, sometimes in great detail, how members should think, act, and feel (for example, members must get permission to date, change jobs, marry—or leaders prescribe what types of clothes to wear, where to live, whether or not to have children, how to discipline children, and so forth). Garments, dress and appearance, start having children right away, don't date till you are 16.

‪ The group is elitist, claiming a special, exalted status for itself, its leader(s) and members (for example, the leader is considered the Messiah, a special being, an avatar—or the group and/or the leader is on a special mission to save humanity).This is the church in a nutshell! Have you ever heard that you were a "chosen" spirit to be a member of the church or to be born in the covenant? I have and quite frankly I think it's bull crap. I am no better and in fact probably less of a person than a poor child living in a remote village in Africa.

‪ The group has a polarized us-versus-them mentality, which may cause conflict with the wider society. Prop 8

‪ The leader is not accountable to any authorities (unlike, for example, teachers, military commanders or ministers, priests, monks, and rabbis of mainstream religious denominations). Except maybe God but not here on earth. You could I suppose argue the 12 apostles, but I doubt they would go against something the prophet advised.

‪ The group teaches or implies that its supposedly exalted ends justify whatever means it deems necessary. This may result in members' participating in behaviors or activities they would have considered reprehensible or unethical before joining the group (for example, lying to family or friends, or collecting money for bogus charities). Polygamy, polandry, murder, blood atonement, temple work for the dead of those whose ancestors have requested otherwise, pre 1990 temple oath punishments

‪ The leadership induces feelings of shame and/or guilt in order to influence and/or control members. Often, this is done through peer pressure and subtle forms of persuasion. DING DING DING!!! Guilt for not going to church, paying tithing, accepting a calling, getting married in the temple, sexual activity, visiting/home teaching, working mom, family home evening, prayer, scripture study, serving a mission, etc etc etc!

‪ Subservience to the leader or group requires members to cut ties with family and friends, and radically alter the personal goals and activities they had before joining the group. Perhaps not as much on this one, except maybe for those whose families disagree with them joining the church. Probably not as applicable though.

‪ The group is preoccupied with bringing in new members. Check

‪ The group is preoccupied with making money. Check (shopping malls, investments, etc.)

‪ Members are expected to devote inordinate amounts of time to the group and group-related activities. Check

‪ Members are encouraged or required to live and/or socialize only with other group members. Check. Don't marry or date (because you marry who you date) non-members. Be careful who your friends are.

‪ The most loyal members (the “true believers”) feel there can be no life outside the context of the group. They believe there is no other way to be, and often fear reprisals to themselves or others if they leave (or even consider leaving) the group. Check. This is why so many people are afraid to leave.

So the fact is that I was raised in a cult. I was brainwashed to believe many things and now that I have found out the truth I am left to reconstruct my own belief system.

Amen Sista!

I just got done reading one woman's exit from Mormonism. I loved it! Her letter to her bishop is quite powerful and states many of the evidences proving the church is false. I am going to cut and paste it here because she asks many of the same questions I have been having about what she was taught or not taught about the church.

Link to actual article
http://mormonthink.com/itstartedwithscience.htm

It Started with Science

By Dianne Chryst Ormond

I was born-in-the-covenant, lived in Utah my whole life,four years of seminary, returned missionary to England, Bachelors and Masters Degrees in Education from Brigham Young University where I was Young Women President twice, married in the Provo temple, multiple Relief Society, Primary,and Young Women Presidencies amongst a myriad of other callings, and stalwart,dedicated, magnify-my-callings, honest, and true believing LDS member. I have always had an extremely strong conscience that kept me on the straight and narrow path, always striving to do right, and never rebelling.

So what started my disbelief? It started with science. Beginning in seminary and throughout the years, I was taught that "someday science will find proof for the Book of Mormon", and so I put it on a shelf and waited. However, as science progressed, my dissonance grew. After watching a dozen archaeology shows on PBS where nothing in the Book of Mormon was ever mentioned, I called a faithful BYU science professor and asked if there was any archaeological evidence for the Book of Mormon, and how did he handle the dissonance between science and religion? I could tell by his carefully worded responses that he was no longer a believer.

That started my reading frenzy through about 100 science and religion books in about 6 months. It became undeniably clear that science proved the Book of Mormon and the Book of Abraham to be fakes. After I was grounded in science, then I started with real church history. I read about the multiple contradictory versions of the First Vision, and Joseph's face-in-the-hat translation method. The final straw was reading about Joseph Smith's marrying a 14 year old, and his polyandry with married women. After reading the heartrending story of Zina and Henry Jacobs, I was in tears.

Then came the rage over being deceived my whole life; I knew the church was a fraud, and there was nothing left of my testimony. I continued to research all the little details for eight years, both online and in books,until my family situation made it possible to resign. I so regret my time,energy, youth, and much tithing that were wasted on a lie, but my biggest regret is that I raised my children in the church. Some of my adult children see the fraud, but not all of them will, and there are many damaged familial relationships.

Since many people have told me that my resignation letter has been concise and helpful for them, I'm including it with a few minor improvements. Everyone has my permission to copy and use it to suit their own needs, as I'm happy to be of help. Good luck to us all on our journeys!

November21, 2006

Bishop *****

Address,Orem,Utah

Re:Resignation from membership of Dianne Chryst Ormond, female, birth date November*****, Address

Dear Bishop,

This is my formal written resignation from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, effective November 21, 2006. I resign according to legal precedents established in Guinn V the Church of Christ of Collinsville and Norman Hancock Lawsuit against the LDS Church. I understand that resigning cancels the effects of baptism and suspends temple sealings and blessings, but since I have determined that the foundations of the LDS church are false, there are no eternal consequences to this action. After years of careful consideration, my decision is firm and unalterable. Please forward without delay the "Report of Administrative Action" to President *****,and as specified in the Church Handbook of Instructions, please notify me that it has been done. As is my legal right, I request that the 30 day waiting period be waived, and request the paperwork be submitted promptly to church headquarters. I will verify with Greg Dodge at SLC Member Records.

Where required to list on the form "reason for leaving," please indicate "at member's request as she is not a believer." I insist that my records show the only reason my name has been removed is that I requested it to be so, and insist the word excommunication or any other derogatory word not be used as there is no basis. I emphasize that my decision is not the result of sin, or taking offense, or any other stereotypical justification, but simply that the church is not what it claims to be, and all evidence falsifies the church. The church is good at instilling ethics and values, so it is disturbing when it doesn't follow its own teachings on honesty. After eight years of intensive research and documentation of all sides,I choose to no longer belong to an organization that deceives its members.

·Yes,I've read the apologetics (defenses) of FARMS, FAIR, Meridian, Daniel Peterson,John Sorenson, Jeff Lindsay, Kerry Shirts, Bill Hamilton, John Pratt, Scott Woodward, John Tvedtnes, Matthew Roper, Jeffrey Meldrum, Trent Stephens, Hugh Nibley http://lds-mormon.com/nibley1.shtml and many others, as well as Limited Geography Theory, two Cumorahs, Bat CreekStone, NHM, chiamus, word printing, etc.
I have even double-checked many of their sources, read the books they referenced, and written to scientists they quoted. In every case I checked, the evidence was non-existent or twisted and distorted. Why are there only disingenuous obfuscations that strain credulity?I could overlook if there were just a few of the problems mentioned below, but with all the issues together, the picture becomes overwhelmingly clear. A side benefit is that all the dissonance between science and religion has melted.

·Since outside information is more credible and accurate, I know now that efforts to steer me away were to hide sanitized and revisionist history. Being told not to read something should have been my first clue.

·Multiple social science studies have demonstrated that once indoctrinated into a set of beliefs, only 5% are able to break free of that indoctrination. For that 5% open to examining the foundations of their religion, I ask the following questions for which documentation is easily obtained on the internet from hundreds of sources. A gentle and balanced starting place is here: http://trialsofascension.net/mormon.html

·Since the Book of Abraham is a fake translation of common Egyptian funeral papyri dated centuries after the time of Abraham, why does the church hide this fact from its members and continue to claim that the book is of divine origin when it has been known otherwise since1966 when the papyri were found at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City? 'Catalyst for inspiration' and Hugh Nibley's Sen-sen defense are not supported by the evidence. http://www.irr.org/MIT/Books/BHOH/bhohintr.html

·When I was a missionary, I taught that Joseph Smith was visited by God and Jesus.Now I learn there are at least three additional contradictory Smith versions of the First Vision where only one angel appeared, or only the Lord appeared, or many angels appeared. If I were visited by Deity, it would make such an impression that I would remember by whom and how many. If God and Jesus appeared to Joseph Smith and told him none of the churches were true and to join none of them, why did he join the Methodists? After Alvin's death in 1823, why did Joseph pray, "if a supreme being existed" since he would already know? Why does the church teach a religious revival started in 1820, when it was actually1824? Why is there no evidence of Smith's 'persecution' in 1820? http://www.i4m.com/think/lists/mormon_questions.htm
Why was Angel Moroni called Angel Nephi by Joseph Smith and his mother Lucy? If I'd been visited by an angel, I think I'd get the name right. http://www.utlm.org/onlinebooks/mclaims1.htm

·Why did Smith marry and have sex with 11 women who were married to other men at the same time, some of whom he sent away on missions before marrying their wives? Why did he marry young teenagers,including 14 year old Helen Mar Kimball, who had both parents and didn't want to be married? http://www.signaturebooks.com/excerpts/insacred.htm Most of these are documented on the church's own genealogy web site at: http://www.familysearch.org (enter Joseph Smith, 1805 birth). Why did Smith practice polygamy in secret for10 years before the D&C 132 'revelation' which was to get Emma off his back? http://www.i4m.com/think/history/joseph_smith_sex.htm Why did Joseph marry Fanny Alger in 1833 when the restoration of sealing power by Elijah didn't happen until 1836? In Europe, why did John Taylor say accusations of polygamy were lies when he already had multiple wives back in the USA? http://www.utlm.org/onlinebooks/changech9c.htm
Why did the church teach me that Smith was tarred-and-feathered by anti-Mormons because Satan was persecuting him, when the reality was they were Mormons avenging their young sister towards whom Smith had made sexual advances, and Dr. Dennison was brought along for castration? http://www.mormoncurtain.com/topic_joesephsmith_section2.html

Why did the church teach me that polygamy was for the support of widows and surplus single women, when there was actually a shortage of women? http://www.i4m.com/think/polygamy/utah_census.htm Then why didn't Smith provide support for his 33+ wives? Why did General Authorities keep sealing new polygamous marriages for at least 16 years after Wilford Woodruff's Manifesto? http://www.xmission.com/~country/chngwrld/chap9c.htm

·For restoration, why would God choose a man who was a money-digger, glass-looker,treasure-seeker, and was convicted as such in court in 1826? "He was only human," but why didn't God at least choose an honorable man? http://www.xmission.com/~country/reason/ny_js.htm and http://www.utlm.org/online books/changech4.htm

·Since I searched extensively, why couldn't I find any science supporting The Book of Mormon? Why is there no Israelite DNA evidence of Lamanites? I've studied the weak apologetics of founder effect, genetic drift, swamping, and the apologist articles here: http://lds.org/newsroom/mistakes/0,15331,3885-1-18078,00.html,but the fact remains that there is no Israelite DNA, only excuses for the lack thereof. Where are the Lamanites, and what happened to BYU's 'Lamanite Generation'? Why does the DNA, morphology, anthropology, and archaeology all point back to Siberia? http://www.exmormon.org/mormon/mormon440.htm http://mormonscripturestudies.com/bomor/twm/lamgen.asp and http://www.postmormon.org/exp_e/index.php/magazine/feature_article/2004/09/22

We have physical evidence of Mayans,Incas, Aztecs, Olmecs, Toltecs, Egyptians, Romans, Greeks, Norse in Greenland, and hundreds of other civilizations. Where is any evidence of the civilizations of millions of people in The Book of Mormon? As far as "someday science will find," science has expanded exponentially,especially with ground-penetrating radar and aerial surveillance, but the increasing finds of science all contradict The Book of Mormon.
In lake sediment cores, where are the durable pollen grains of wheat, barley, figs, grapes, or flax, or evidence of these plants in mid dens? Where is the evidence of metallurgy, steel swords or slag heaps, or coins and silk, chariots and wheels, or horses, elephants,asses, goats, sheep, pigs, and cows? Why is there impossible population grow thin The Book of Mormon? http://josephlied.com/population.html Where is the geologic evidence of a global Noachian flood, or geologic or dendroclimatology evidence of the physical upheavals in 3^rd Nephi? http://www.irr.org/mit/bomarch2.html and http://www.irr.org/mit/smithson.html
Why is there no linguistic evidence of ancient Hebrew or Reformed Egyptian? Since languages have evolved for tens of thousands of years, why did the Jaredites come from the Tower bobble never existed? Jaredite barges are not functional reality. http://faculty.gordon.edu/hu/bi/ted_hildebrandt/OTeSources/01-Genesis/Text/Articles-Books/Seely_Babel_WTJ.pdf and http://home.teleport.com/~packham/ships.htm

Why are there hundreds of anachronisms? Why does The Book of Mormon quote Isaiah before Isaiah was written? Why does it mention the Bible a millennia before the Bible even existed? Why has The Book of Mormon preserved the errors in the King James translation such as 'virgin' for 'young woman'? Why is 'Christ 'used when it is a Greek word, not the Israelite word Messiah? http://www.infidels.org/library/modern/curt_heuvel/bom_bible.html

Besides there being no evidence for things mentioned in The Book of Mormon, why does the book not mention things that really did exist in Mesoamerica, such as yams, beans, squash, llamas, sloths, jaguars,and monkeys? I went to a museum in Lima, Peru, and there were thousands of artifacts of jaguars, monkeys, and llamas, but not a single horse, cow, elephant, or sheep!

Why are core doctrines such as three degrees of glory, pre-existence, eternal family sealings, and baptisms for the dead not included in this "most correct of any book on earth, and the keystone of our religion"?
The Book of Mormon is a work of fiction with 19^th century milieu stamped all over it. "There's a difference between faith in an area where the evidence is lacking, and denial in an area where the evidences copious but against you." -Baura http://lds-mormon.com/bomquest.shtml

·Why was I taught Smith 'translated' from the gold plates when the reality is that he had his face in a hat and never used the plates? http://www.irr.org/mit/divination.html Why did the witnesses only see the plates with their 'spiritual eyes'? http://www.irr.org/mit/bomwit1.html Why did Smith use a Seer Stone instead of the Urim and Thummin? Book of Mormon Translation

·Regarding Charles Anthon, why didn't I learn that he called the characters a hoax and a scheme? http://www.utlm.org/onlineresources/anthon.htm

·Why were priesthood restoration accounts created retroactively? Why did the priesthood need to be restored by Peter, James, and John when the Three Nephites had it? http://signaturebooks.com/excerpts/insider's.html#chap7

·Why did Smith start a 'translation' of the fraudulent Kinderhook Plates? http://www.utlm.org/onlineresources/kinderhookplates.htm

·Why did Smith smoke and drink after giving the Word of Wisdom? Why did he have a bar in his own home? Why did he copy the teachings of the Kirtland Temperance Society? Why didn't he include in the Word of Wisdom the simple instruction to boil water to prevent all the deaths from cholera and dysentery? http://www.utlm.org/onlinebooks/changech18.htm

·Why did Smith make so many erroneous "prophecies" such as selling the sacred Book of Mormon copyright in Canada? Why was 'war starting in South Carolina 'common knowledge, and didn't refer to the Civil War? http://www.i4m.com/think/history/sell_BOM_copyright.htm and http://home.teleport.com/~packham/prophet.htm

·Why was I taught about 'milk strippings' as a warning over trivial things, when the reality is that story was spread decades later by George A. Smith, and that Thomas B. Marsh actually left due to Mormon plundering of Gentiles' property? http://groups.google.com/group/alt.religion.mormon/msg/9d864ad0a6177ac3

·Why was I never taught about the Mountain Meadows Massacre or that it was connected to the blood atonement covenant in the temple and the killing of Parley P. Pratt for stealing another man's wife and children to add to his polygamy? http://www.religioustolerance.org/lds_mass.htm and http://www.aml-online.org/reviews/b/B200242.html

·Why did I never hear that Prophet Brigham Young preached Adam is God, Blood Atonement, Slavery, or that he petitioned to get the Mormon Battalion, rather than it being conscripted as I was taught? Why does the church teach in the lesson manual that Brigham only had one wife and hides his 55 wives? http://lds-mormon.com/byoung.shtml, http://www.irr.org/MIT/byadamgd.html, and http://www.zaksite.co.uk/atozelph/racism.htm Why did Smith and Young say six-foot people lived on the moon and dressed like Quakers? http://www.watchman.org/lds/moonmen.htm

·Why was the temple ceremony plagiarized from Masonry weeks after Smith became a Mason, and is not what was practiced in Solomon's temple? http://www.mormonismi.info/jamesdavid/masendow.htm http://www.utlm.org/onlineresources/masonicsymbolsandtheldstemple.htm and http://www.phoenixmasonry.org/duncans_ritual/table_of_contents.htm Since Smith taught that temple covenants and ordinances are eternal and unchangeable, why have they been changed multiple times, and at least twice in my lifetime, including removal of the death oaths in 1990? Why were men sealed to men? http://www.i4m.com/think/temples/temple_changes.htm and http://www.lds-mormon.com/whytemplechanges.shtml Why does this family-oriented church split families by excluding from temple weddings, which no other church does?

·Why did the church teach me about the martyrdom as "a lamb to the slaughter," but not the fact that Smith had a smuggled revolver and fired six shots into the crowd, and Hyrum had a smuggled pistol? Why was I not taught that Smith was rightfully arrested for the destruction of personal property including the Expositor, which was going to expose his polygamy/polyandry about which he had repeatedly lied and denied? Why was I not taught that Sidney Rigdon was the first to mention "war of extermination" in a speech, and not the 'gentiles'? http://lds-mormon.com/tmpc.shtml and History of the Church, Vol. 6, Ch. 34, p. 618.

·Since Joseph's 13 Articles of Faith state that we believe in "obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law," why didn't he?Why did he contravene the law with his illegal marriages, counterfeit money,and illegal Kirtland Bank that wiped out the life savings of those who believed Smith's prophecies about it? http://www.utlm.org/onlineresources/josephsmithsbank.htm Why didn't I hear about the Danites and the Council of 50? http://groups.google.com/group/alt.religion.mormon/msg/798763798680fb17 and http://trialsofascension.net/mormon/lying.html

·Why does the church continue to claim it is the fastest growing religion when statistics say otherwise, and the internet is blocking its growth? http://home.teleport.com/~packham/growth.htm

·Why does the current film Joseph Smith:Prophet of the Restoration give false impressions? i.e. regarding healings, Smith's happy monogamous marriage, parental encouragement of Emma's marriage when the reality is they were furious at the elopement and that Joseph had stolen her away? http://www.wivesofjosephsmith.org/01-EmmaHale.htm

·Regarding our core belief and Snow's couplet "As man is, God once was. As God is, man may become," why did President Gordon B. Hinckley say that "I don't know that we teach it."? http://home.teleport.com/~packham/gbh-god.htm Why did Hinckley say polygamy is "not doctrinal" when it is in D&C 132, will be practiced in the Celestial Kingdom, and is currently practiced in temple sealings? http://lds-mormon.com/lkl_00.shtml Before two people were killed, why didn't Hinckley, Kimball, and other church leaders receive revelation and be able to discern that Mark Hofmann's documents were forgeries that they were buying to hide in the Church vault? What has Hinckley prophesied or revealed as 'prophet, seer, and revelator'? http://www.xmission.com/~country/reason/hof1.htm

·Why are women taught to be subservient and are less valued? Why did the church oppose the ERA? In our stake, YM have four times the budget as YW. There are yearly father-son sleepovers, but women were banned from sleepovers after one activity. Girls camp is once a year and always at the same place, while Scouts have multiple camps at multiple distant places. Why are there church boy scouts, but not girl scouts? Why ask men before giving a calling to the wife, but not ask women before giving a calling to the husband?Why can't women have more leadership callings such as financial clerk or Sunday School president? I remember when women were finally allowed to give prayers in Sacrament Meeting in 1978. Thankfully, multiple"women obey your husbands" were taken out of the temple ceremony in 1990. http://www.feministmormonhousewives.org/?p=1041#more-1041 and http://www.i4m.com/think/comments/mormon_women.htm

·There is so much more, but I'll stop now. http://home.teleport.com/~packham/101.htm, http://www.realmormonhistory.com/ and http://www.utlm.org/newsletters/no107.htm

·Other than "feelings," what evidence is there the church is what it claims to be?Feelings are not a reliable test of truth, as anyone knows whose feelings have turned out to be wrong, such as feeling good about an investment which failed or a marriage that ended. If feelings equal truth, then Islam, Catholicism,Buddhism, and all other faiths are also the one true religion because their members also have a witness. Regarding faith, belief, witness, prayer, testimony,burning in the bosom, and other such feelings, many get those same inspirational feelings watching "Phantom of the Opera" or "Les Mis." Does that mean they are true? Many get bad feelings learning about the Holocaust. Does that mean the Holocaust isn't true? Most spiritual experiences can be scientifically explained within the brain. http://watarts.uwaterloo.ca/~acheyne/S_P.html

http://www.religioustolerance.org/vis_brain.htm and http://www.dreamsnightmares.com/luciddreaming.html

Faith cannot be sustained on falsehoods and deception. Faith is not sufficient when all tangible evidence contradicts the church. "Faith, as well intentioned as it may be, must be built on facts, not fiction--faith in fiction is a damnable false hope." --Thomas Edison

My testimony is based on evidence, facts,historical research, and feelings, and I know that the church is not true,Joseph Smith was not a prophet, and The Book of Mormon is not the word of God. http://www.fortunecity.com/emachines/e11/86/dawkins2.html

·There are hundreds more books to suggest, but these are excellent for consolidated reading:

• Churchhistory- An Insider's View of Mormon Origins by Grant Palmer (active Mormon, Institute Director)
• Science- Farewell to Eden, Coming to Terms With Mormonism and Science by Duwayne Anderson (resigned Mormon, scientist)
• Polygamy/polyandry- In Sacred Loneliness by Todd Compton(active Mormon, historian)
• Spiritual experiences/how the brain works- Don't Believe Everything You Think by Thomas E. Kida

Sincerely,

Dianne Chryst Ormond

MormonThink.com
Address,Orem,Utah

It's Time

I guess it's time... for a new post that is. Here is an update of where I am at in my journey. I have done more and more reading. I am currently in the process of reading Joseph Smith Rough Stone Rolling by Richard Bushman. It is kind of a slow read for me, but interesting non the less. I am pretty convinced the church is not true, but I am having mixed emotions about leaving. One minute I am ready to send in my resignation letter and the next I am in a full blown panic attack fearing that I'm making the wrong decision.

I have read a lot lately about Mormonism and its cultish nature. I used to cringe when people compared the church to a cult because the word has such a negative connotation to me. However I am beginning to realize that the church has certainly brainwashed me in many ways and greatly influenced the way that I think. Is this enough to consider it a cult? I guess it depends on who you ask. I still feel like it is too strong of a word, but I can see how one could conclude such.

I have researched much about Joseph Smith and his life. I have to say that there is much that is certainly not mentioned by the church. I recently saw the Joseph Smith movie at the J.S. Memorial Building in Salt Lake City. The movie did not show any parts of Joseph's past that might be questionable. No portrayal of polygamy or the burning of the Nauvoo Expositor or his treasure digging schemes or his peep-stone in a hat translation process. In fact the movie didn't even mention why Joseph was being sent to jail in the first place. The amazing part is that when I asked true believing members of my family they did not know the answer to this question. How can we have been raised in a church for 20+ years and still believe that the only reason JS was put in jail was because of religious persecution?

The fact that the church keeps its members uneducated really bothers me. Being an educator myself I find it preposterous that the church is hiding its past. If the church is true then what's the big deal? On the flip side I do ask myself how the few Mormons that do know the whole truth- such as Richard Bushman- still continue to believe? Is there something I am missing?

Scholarly Wisdom

I found this great website that has given me much enlightenment. It is the "testimonies" of exmormon scholars. http://www.exmormonscholarstestify.org/index.html I appreciate words of wisdom from those who are educated and truly studied out their decision to leave the Mormon church. I'm still thinking I need to leave the church as there are too many questions left unanswered. The problem now will be navigating my way out. I know this will not be an easy journey concerning my family and my husband's family.

Today's Enlightenment

I think I'm addicted to morn- reading about Mormons online. Kind of like porn, only I'm not in any way saying I look at porn or anything like unto it, morn just has the same addictive nature to it.

Today's morn is a menage a trois, that is to say "The Three Witnesses." I decided that if I am going to really find out if the Book of Mormon is true then I will take on Moroni's challenge and see what happens. I have read the Book of Mormon cover to cover probably three or four times in my life. I memorized all the scripture mastery verses and even lettered in seminary. To be honest though, I never earnestly knelt down to pray about it's truthfulness. I don't think at the time I needed or desired to. I already "knew" it was true. I didn't need to find out if it was or investigate it any further.

Today I opened my BOM to the very beginning where the introduction and witness accounts are found. I think in my previous readings I skipped over these parts just as one would skip over the preface of a textbook in college. Like an Oreo cookie the important stuff in in the middle right? Well apparently I missed the wholesome chocolaty goodness of the outer cookie! I read today the accounts of the three witnesses and then of the the eight witnesses to the BOM. After reading only what is written in those few paragraphs I wrote down a few questions I had.

1. Why were the first three witnesses shown the plates by an Angel, but the eight witnesses were actually shown the plates by Joseph Smith himself? What is the significance there?

2. Why were many of these men related to Joseph?

3. Was the Urim and Thummim that was used to translate the first pages of the BOM the same "seer stone" that some claim Joseph put in his hat to translate the rest of the BOM?

Well I googled my morn and found two differing articles discussing the witnesses to the BOM. The first is written in favor of the church http://maxwellinstitute.byu.edu/publications/transcripts/?id=21 and the second not so much http://www.exmormon.org/file9.htm. Both articles make good points and I'm trying to remain as objective as possible while doing my research because my mom once told me not to believe everything I read (with the exception of the Book of Mormon).

My conclusions:

1. The first three witnesses were perhaps visited by an angel rather than shown the plates because they were in a different location at the time.

2. I'm still not sure if the three witnesses ever physically held and handled the plates. Some accounts say they did and others say that their witness was more visionary.

3. The second article I linked to states that 4 of the 8 witnesses only saw and held the plates covered in a cloth which I find interesting as the account written in the BOM lead me to believe they all actually saw the plates. I suppose that could be my own misinterpretation.

4. For whatever reason many of the witnesses ended up leaving the church at some point- some later returned other did not. The church's standpoint is that even though some left the church they never denied their testimony of the BOM.

5. There are differing opinions about the personal character of these eleven individuals.

6. The "seer stone" was not the same as the Urim and Thummim.

7. Many of the witnesses were related to Joseph probably because they were the ones who were in closest contact with him when he was translating.

All in all I am not sure that I am one bit clearer about whether the church or the BOM is true. Yea Verily.

The Straw

Last night I again found myself glued to my computer doing research. I don't think I ever spent this much time researching one topic even in my entire higher education. As I was reading, I came across something that really disturbed me. Actually disturbed is too mild of a word, more like it rocked me to my core. Here is the link to the post I was reading http://www.exmormon.org/mormon/mormon508.htm

I realize this a first person account and could possibly be totally fabricated, however I did some additional research and found that the second anointing is in fact an ordinance that was once practiced in the temple. Here is a link to an old church publication called the Millennial Star, a church published periodical, that confirms that second anointings did at one time exists and were practiced. As to whether they still are today, I guess all the proof I have are other's personal accounts. http://www.archive.org/stream/latterdaysaintsm121850manc#page/n3/mode/2up
I will have to look up the exact page number that references this ordinance as the whole thing is over 800 pages.

I guess what disturbs me is not the ritual itself, but rather the fact that it is something that is reserved for only a few members and that it is to be kept a secret that one has received it. I also read a part of the blessing (if my source is accurate of course) that states that the woman will be "Exalted to her husband's exaltation." http://www.archive.org/stream/latterdaysaintsm121850manc#page/n3/mode/2up

Now back up a minute. Did I read this correctly? I will be exalted to my husband's exaltation! Does that mean I can only go as far as my husband does? What if my husband is a complete douche bag, a sex-predator, or a thief (mine is most definitely not, just hypothesising here)? Will I only be able to progress as far as he does even if I've never done a thing wrong in my life?

If I am reading this statement wrong then please tell me so. If I am understanding this correctly then all I have to say is BULL SHIT!

I guess you could say this is the straw that broke the camel's back.

Am I strong enough?

I'm not sure I have the strength to keep searching this out. The reason is that the more I search the more I find against the Mormon church. I am trying hard to not be biased in my reading either. I check sources (to the best of my ability) and make sure that the claims people out there in cyber-land are stating are legitimate. I'm not sure I have the strength to leave the church. I'm afraid of the consequences and judgments that will be put on by my family and friends when they find out. However, all this being said, I feel deep in my heart that I must be true to myself.

Tonight I was reading some things that have been changed over the years in the temple endowment ceremony. I think that had I gone through the temple for the first time twenty years ago I might have run out the door screaming. When I went through for the first time six years ago I was filled with extreme anxiety. I even wrote in my journal that I thought that the ceremony was strange and uncomfortable. I remember crying several times during the endowment, and I'm sure those around me thought I was moved to tears by the spirit, but in actuality the tears were out of anxiety, strangeness, and unfamiliarity.

After studying more about the LDS church tonight, I feel stronger than ever that there is something "not right" there. I know that some choose to stay in the church because of the values and culture and acceptance, but I don't know that I can stay in and support a church that has so many questionable parts in its past. I want to find my own truth, but what would that look like for me? This a scary path I may choose to take, but if I follow my heart I think it could possibly be a very freeing one.